she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
