Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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