I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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