omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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