So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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