Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
id be glad to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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