Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do herpes really smell.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
