I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
