I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
