I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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