I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
honey bunches of taint.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
