So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
