she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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