if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
