My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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