my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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