on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
