You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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