I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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