If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
