Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
