my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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