# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
