I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
