Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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