Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
