She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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