I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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