K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
