I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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