she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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