he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
