i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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