So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
