we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
