it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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