By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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