five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
