If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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