Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
