We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
