after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
