Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
