Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
