I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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