I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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