I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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