do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
