Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
