why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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