ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
