Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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