Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
