shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
