Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
