He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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