you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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