Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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