He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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