john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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