Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
