Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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