You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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