And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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