Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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