He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
