The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
