i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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