Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
