you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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